What I'm Missing
by odlesofnoodles
Summary: Ariana and Carson never really talked before, then suddenly they sparked up conversation. It's weird that you're missing can sometimes be right in front of you. But things may not always end up the way they're supposed to be. Please R&R!:
1. Chapter 1

I wish that one day I could find something absolutely perfect in every  
way. I wish that he existed somewhere thinking about how much he wants  
something perfect too.

But perfect never is perfect.

Perfect ends up to be some messed up thing that never works out.

Why do we strive for something that we know will never work out? Why  
do we put so much time and effort into making it perfect and when we  
know that for once it is, it won't satisfy us. 

Perfect isn't something we should want, but why, even though most of  
us know that we will never live up too perfect standards, do we still  
go over and over the fact that there is something wrong. 

Things will never be perfect, perfect doesn't exist. 

Happiness doesn't mean perfect, it means happy. Happiness doesn't come  
from perfect-ness; happiness comes from you being comfortable in your  
surroundings and everything just falling into place. 

Happiness is all we should want and need. 

I wish that I had something that made me amazingly happy in every way  
possible. I think that should be aloud, to want happiness. I mean if  
you're not happy, you should be able to want to be happy. If happiness comes so easily to most people, how can it decide not to apply to me? I know that I am happy in some ways, but I feel like I'm missing out on something huge everyday. 

Love. 

Does it exist? 

Will I myself ever have someone who loves me, or who I love? 

What does love feel like? 

How do you know when it happens? Is it a huge revelation that you  
feel, see, smell or hear? 

Or is it slow and willing. 

When will it happen? 

Do I see him everyday, never talking or knowing him? Is it someone I  
know?  
Do we both think this way? Is that how I'll know? 

If I could know who I would eventually love, would I be surprised? 

Would I talk to him? Know him? See him? 

Why is this so complicated. 

But then again if life was simple they'd call it breathing, or thinking. Am I just contradicting myself here, or actually making sense in some weird way? 

I listen to my music and wonder when these things in songs ever happen.  
In the words of Never Shout Never: "What is love, what is love."  
If I could tell you when I knew exactly I fell in love, this is the story.


	2. Chapter 2

I never talked to him before, I thought as we passed by each other in the hall. He was kind of odd, not much of a talker. Silent in the classes I've had with him; although he seems to talk most to my best friend. 

I myself have never talked to him, wondering if he ever noticed me the way that I somehow noticed him. How he was so quiet and different. How you could have no idea of who he was. I found myself one day wondering if he ever thought about these things himself. If he ever thought about me. 

I shook the thought immediately from my head, scolding myself for thinking too much about him. 

Grade ten seemed to be so much better than grade nine; grade nine sucking the life out of me wasn't fun. It was already 5 months into the school year, January being the most boring month of the year so far.

He spoke to me on the 10th of January. 

We were in class and my teacher had given us groups for an assignment. It was me, him and some slacker guy named Paul, who didn't give a shit about anything. We sat in our group and Paul immediately put his head down on his desk and went to sleep. 

"That's great," I said looking at Paul, "Let's pray he doesn't wake up."

"You're Ariana right?" He asked me.

I nodded, "Carson, right?"

He smiled," Yeah… I guess it's just you and me doing this project." 

I nodded looking back at Paul who had started snoring. Carson and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

The whole period Carson and I worked on the project, harmoniously. Both of our minds thinking the same things I guess you could say. I've never had a connection like that with anyone, ever. If someone had told me that we will never become friends, I don't think I would have believed them. 

I started to see more of him, his grayish green eyes sticking to mine a few times a day in the halls. If I knew exactly what to say to him, would it come out right? If every time I caught his eye now my heart fluttered, what would happen when I tried to talk to him outside of class? Would I even be able to talk properly? I walked out into the hall and passed by him. His eyes stuck to mine but instead of just passing onwards, he stopped walking and smiled at me.

"Hey." He said.

"Um- Yeah- Uh- I mean, hey." I sputtered out. 

He smiled at me, waved and walked off. I was frozen in place. What  
just happened? I was so confused. 

But soon this became a reoccurring event, Carson stopping me in the hallway. At the beginning it was just a "hey" but then he began to start up conversation. A lot of times it ended on my behalf as I ran out of breath while my heart just about fluttered up my throat. One day he brought up a movie that I really wanted to see. 

"Oh, I really wanna see that," I said to him, my heart calming down on a familiar subject, "It looks hilarious."  
He raised his eyebrows at me, "You wanna see that? I didn't think you were into that kind of stuff."

Has he been judging me?

"Well, there are a lot of things I'm into. And by the way, you just judged me."

He scrambled for words but I ignored him and walked away. 

I knew it seemed bitchy. I don't know why but I really liked him and it hurt to hear him judge me. Once I finally made it to my locker he was there waiting. 

"How- wha-?" I didn't understand how he got there first.  
"Let me make it up to you." He said looking me straight in the eyes.  
"How?" I asked, my hear quickening its pace, and he shrugged.  
"I owe you one." He said backing away but not taking his eyes off mine. 

Finally he was halfway down the hallway and turned around. I didn't  
realize that I was holding my breath until then. It was only then that I realized why every time he looked my way, I became flustered. My heart raced. My brain malfunctioned.

He was something special. Different. Amazing.

My brain instantly made a connection. 

He was probably one of the most mysterious people I've ever met; most  
likely the most. But he wasn't mysterious in a dangerous sort of way, just very unpredictable. You could never tell what he was thinking. He was so hard to read. 

But if I'm not mistaken, he was just flirting with me. Unless owing me has nothing to do with flirting with me, he wasn't flirting with me.. Or was he? Oh god, why was this so complicated? I really need some expertise advice, but from who? Oh god. What am I going to do?


End file.
